I
really felt called to write on this today. …It’s a tough day for me. I feel
weak, my spirit feels weak. I realize
the atmosphere I am in is so different than my norm. What I have been working on day-in and
day-out is also quite different than my standard days. Now, I have such a
purpose. But I began to feel the
pressure of it today. I began to feel how much I owe to God and to all the
people around the world. I owe Him my
mind, my body, and all my spirit. I don’t have time to be tired when I can be
educating myself academically, allowing me a better platform to spread His
word. I don’t have time to waste
minutely complaining about my annoyances—or even thinking about them for that
matter; when I have a Bible to get through and breakdown and people need to be
saved. My spirit is being strengthened
through every struggle. I am beginning
to see the difference between when the world breaks you down, in contrast to
when God does. God uses the world many times to strip us of what we deem as “sufficient”, by doing
exactly that, stripping different parts of the world from us which we have been
dependent upon so long. Whether that be of
sexual immorality, intoxicating the mind and body with too many negative
substances, maybe using food as an outlet for happiness, or our friends, or
entertainment, etc…You know the list goes on.
But when we strip ourselves of those things, we begin to be
sanctified. It’s a process, but nonetheless
over time finally making us whole.
Recently
(3 weeks ago) I packed up and left home; I went to a different state to
visit some of my brothers in the faith.
This trip was to merely fellowship and meet more of my brothers and
sisters in the faith, whom I had never even met before—a beautiful thing. …Little
did I know once I stepped foot on these grounds, I would realize the calling God
put on my heart back in February 2012 (just a few months ago)…I got here and
said, “Wow, this is it! …this is where it will all begin.” I’ll be honest, I don’t think I was overly
excited about it; rather I was scared.
Me giving over my life to God didn’t really kick in until I realized it
was time to do His work. Immediately upon that moment of realization
my hands began to sweat, my heart palpitate, and an overall feeling of
uneasiness engulfed me. …I turned to my
brother one evening and said, “Dude…I realized this isn’t a vacation anymore. It’s
like God said, ‘It’s time’…It’s scary though. It’s like this big moment you’re
life has been prepared for that you never saw coming.” …So here I am, living humbly, delved into my
school work and academics daily, continuing to fellowship and build onto my
family in Christ, heavily breaking down the Bible, witnessing (though I’m
working on doing that more)—and preparing for what is next. …All I’m saying to God is, I’m going to be
ready…I’m getting ready for you…God I’m ready.
Prayer:
I want to say thank you to God, for continuing to sanctify me...For continually
pulling back layers of my being, layers of my character, and soul; making me
raw, so that I can more easily uptake the penetration of His wisdom and
guidance. ...God, I just want to say thank you for allowing me to endure what
is needed for the next step and making me whole through You...
Wow... I don't know what to say. One minute I see you sharing your beauty with the world as an urban model, and the next I see this site. I am divided; one the one hand, I miss seeing your beautiful face light up websites such as mixed magazine's site (on which you were definitely the most beautiful model), but I also have read your posts, and am horrified about the things you went through as an urban model, the things your fans never knew about. The drugs, STDs, etc. I would say this- Is there a way you could model again, share your beauty with a world devoid of beauty, a world torn by corruption and war, in a healthy way? After all, not all models defile themselves or allow themselves to be defiled. I know a bunch of models (I am a photographer myself) who really enjoy modeling, just for the fun of trying out different outfits and poses in front of the camera. No sex, STDs, or provocative nudity is involved. I actually encourage my models to avoid modeling for the sake of sating men's sexual fantasies, but to model to share their beauty with the world, not in a sexual way, but as a beacon of hope and a standard for others. How about it? Would you ever consider modeling again, if it were in a non-sexual, non abusive manner?
ReplyDeleteI am a Buddhist myself, I have been practicing Buddhism for years. Most of my family is Christian, though. I do have some advice for you, coming from years of speaking with Christian and Buddhist leaders alike... avoid forcing Christianity on others. All religions state by nature that they are the only true way, and that all other religions are corruptions of the true path. That is how they spread, historically speaking. However, in today's world, It is religious tolerance that will bring us together... forcing others to believe what you believe, "converting" others, creates enmity and tension,which leads to war and hate. As a true Christian would do, accept that others have their own beliefs, and remain strong in your own belief. People will come to believe the same as you do of their own accord, there is no need to force the issue.
Hello there Russell,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you taking the time out to comment on my transformation, even if indirectly. I'll just hit on your last points by saying, I apologize if it seems I'm trying to convert anyone. Although I have a softness to apologize, I will boldly question, "When have the words ever come from my mouth that I was attempting to convert anyone?" lol Don't fear me, fear God--He will judge, I shall not.
By explaining what God has done in my life, does that insist people should do as I have?? I'm just a happy customer of Christ Jesus, hence I'm merely writing a review!! ;)
Thanks for the reply. You didn't actually say you were trying to convert anyone, I was just giving you some useful advice. Sometimes people who are extremely devoted to their cause forget to be tolerant of other causes; it is an easy trap to fall into. But you seem like a good person, so I doubt that would happen :)
DeleteIn any case, any thoughts on my idea? You know, about doing modeling again, in a non-provocative manner? Honestly, I only know a little about the bad things that come with urban modeling, but I can say for sure, You are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, and as a photographer, working with you would be a lot of fun. I can also say for certain that being an amateur model, as most of the models are on ModelMayhem, you would never experience any of the abuse you did at the hands of people in the urban modeling business. I don't currently have the massive sums required to pay a model for a photo shoot, but when I do, it would be a great honor to work with you.