Thursday, July 5, 2012

10. Ethics in Media


     Ethics and entertainment are not linked, but go hand-in-hand. Both entertainers and supporters, those whom own record labels and television companies have a responsibility to not create nor allow media airtime, which may negatively impact adults and more easily, children. There is a moral code to be followed, to promote peace and solid values within the American society. This paper will explain the arguments of entertainers and supporters and the questionable content produced. Moral, artistic, and commercial underpinnings will be evaluated and questioned; as well as types of content which should be censored, along with the explanation of who should ultimately be responsible for censoring content and why.

Arguments of Entertainers and Supporters
     Arguments made by entertainers and supporters to support their content range from the issue that no media alters the perceptions of individuals enough to cause violence, lesser crimes, or unstable characteristics; to every person is entitled to their own opinion and rights to free speech. This argument is shallow and contains little substance of questioning an underlying matter and going deeper to research the causation of what violence in media, whether movie or song can do to people, both old and young. Everyone who is connected to media, is also connected to its repercussions, mind altering effects, and ethics, “However, it goes beyond the boundaries of professional ethics and covers the entire domain of media, which is the whole world. In this sense, everyone associated with media, is also connected to media ethics” (Poyraz, 2011, p. 125). This states that media whether one wants to believe it or not, has the possibility to cause ill-effects and as a society there is a responsibility of professionalism to be used in regards to what media goes public and what does not. To go deeper than expectations and question what actions violence in media could really cause in people.

Moral and Artistic Content Underpinnings
One may question, what is morality? Morality is the ethics individuals follow, by which sound and ethical decisions are made. Poyraz’s (2011) study assessed the following:
     “Morality is a multiple meaning term and corresponds to moral in Latin, and ethik in Greek. Both morals and ethics have similar etymology as morality. Ethics is derived from ethos, which means character and habit. Similarly the Latin word moral is derived from mos (plural mores) which means customs, habits and character (Sahakian, 1974: 6). Morality can be defined as a set of beliefs and patterns that dominate the conscious life of an individual, a people, and a social class, or an era (Delius, 1990:312)” (p. 125). 
With that said, what would the underpinning or bedrock actually matter, if negative morals and lack of ethics are the message in the entertaining content? Going beyond the issue of commercial profits and questioning how content can impact a society; to its adults and children and encompass the capacity to deteriorate future generations is a plausible argument. Even the debate of criminal artistry: violent content holding artistic value in showcasing the minds of killers and intentions. Murder is not an art it is a crime which ends lives; it is not a painting to ponder over. There is no justification for entertainment which devalues humans or opens opportunities for crime as an option; for murder to be an option in solving any altercation is unacceptable.

Censored Content
     Some content is not suitable for children, hence ought to be censored. Censored: not showcased on children’s networks, during time of day that children may be able to watch the content, nor on regular television stations. In regards to music, regardless of the Parental Advisory–Explicit Content stamp which is placed on a CD covers which displays content not suitable for children; but acknowledging the possibility that a young person may hear the music outside of parental control is a reasonable argument, “For this reason, media that make up the cornerstones of the history of public opinion have become a vehicle of power and authority” (Poyraz, 2011, p. 126). Criteria from an ethical perspective in regards to limiting access to inappropriate content would entail: parental codes on televisions where parents can monitor what their child can and cannot watch, limiting access using movie theater ratings--not allowing fornication or minor violence in any rating below an R rated movie; maintaining the freedom given to musical artists but altering the values of record labels and other companies who may have a biased view on selling the products for profit. These criteria are ethically appropriate because they are preventing heinous crimes committed stemmed from music and viewed media. Recognizing crimes will forever take place, but ridding society of any elements which promotes and encourages unethical behavior is a step forward onto a moralistic culture.

Responsibility in Censorship 
 One many ask, who should be responsible for censoring content and why?  First handedly, the owners of movie and television networks along with record labels have a responsibility to a society to protect its people. The chain link begins here and if not appropriately monitored, unethical behavior trickles down onto the viewers (society).  At a hierarchal standpoint, if the top of the totem pole does not resist wrong behavior, then how will millions of parents then protect their children from negative media?  Cronin’s (2009) study found the following:
      “What Kuhn sets out to demonstrate is that the power to censor texts does not lie in the hands of   a  single public body; instead, the regulation of cinema takes place within the context of a network of relations between a number of interrelated though frequently competing institutions, practices, and discourses” (p. 3).
It is imperative for those responsible for releasing materials to not overstep boundaries for profits sake, but rest on the possibility of the effects of media and what that does for one’s country when not taken seriously and as a fragile matter.

Conclusion
     In conclusion, although entertainers and supporters have a right to free speech, does not exclude the responsibility toward the people and for the people. It is up to corporations to not promote or encourage criminal behavior in movies or music and that begins with censoring it. Those in media business for money find excuses for their actions, including justifiable reasoning such as artistry and using the term, “It’s just a movie”. It’s important for no one to think criminal acts are an option, as it promotes chaos within a country. Adults as parents and corporate bosses must take full responsibility in censorship, as it is crucial to prevent generation deterioration and retaining ethics in media is the first way to begin.

Monday, July 2, 2012

9. Where Love Surpasses Everything


   In past weeks, I have sent the above video to multitudes of friends. Upon first viewing, I knew at that instance, this was given to me to be passed on to someone whom was in dire need of such a message; as that was the entire reasoning of why it was sent to me.  Although, it impacted everyone I had sent it to, no one held any direct relation to the story, nor did it seem to emotionally move anyone in the fashion I had presumed. 

The reason: Unfortunately for me, last week I doubled up on my school courses. Dreading the stress this would cause and how overwhelmed I would become, I did it anyway as I had a "gut instinct", as if was supposed to--a sense of urgency engulfed me.  One week in, participating in my discussions, I came in contact with a lady whose husband had a stroke 25 years ago.  To this day even, she continues to care for him including, feeding, bathing, dressing, and all other needs required when one is physically disabled. As I listened to her, I began to hear and see the exhaustion in voice; her weariness was growing, she was spent, as she has been serving him not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well for 25 straight years--as he was unable to.

You could see a part of this women, just wanted to quit, but knew there were no other options; unless she were to put her husband in the care of a retirement hospital...but her love for him was too great to pass him over to anyone else. When I heard her story, this video flashed in my mind and the spark of passion which I had when I first viewed this video flooded my heart, as I realized this was the very woman whom I was supposed to pass this video on to.  A few days after sending, she contacted me displaying her immense appreciation. From this video, she was not only able to grow new inspiration and a new fire to help her proceed in serving her husband, but she was able to see the beauty and love of Christ in this story—furthering her faith in our Savior. She actually showed it to her husband as well!  

  ...I continue to see God's presence over our lives and although we are unable to see miracles or even  the creation of them before they take place, as long as we continue to keep pushing and doing what we know is right, and keep our faith on God, his blessings and miracles will be nothing less than amazing in our lives. “…For from him and through him and to him are all things.” 

-Romans 11:36     


Sunday, May 20, 2012

8. God Sufficiency by World Deficiency

     I really felt called to write on this today. …It’s a tough day for me. I feel weak, my spirit feels weak.  I realize the atmosphere I am in is so different than my norm.  What I have been working on day-in and day-out is also quite different than my standard days. Now, I have such a purpose.  But I began to feel the pressure of it today. I began to feel how much I owe to God and to all the people around the world.  I owe Him my mind, my body, and all my spirit. I don’t have time to be tired when I can be educating myself academically, allowing me a better platform to spread His word.  I don’t have time to waste minutely complaining about my annoyances—or even thinking about them for that matter; when I have a Bible to get through and breakdown and people need to be saved.  My spirit is being strengthened through every struggle.  I am beginning to see the difference between when the world breaks you down, in contrast to when God does. God uses the world many times to strip us of what we deem as “sufficient”, by doing exactly that, stripping different parts of the world from us which we have been dependent upon so long.  Whether that be of sexual immorality, intoxicating the mind and body with too many negative substances, maybe using food as an outlet for happiness, or our friends, or entertainment, etc…You know the list goes on.  But when we strip ourselves of those things, we begin to be sanctified.  It’s a process, but nonetheless over time finally making us whole.

Recently (3 weeks ago) I packed up and left home; I went to a different state to visit some of my brothers in the faith.  This trip was to merely fellowship and meet more of my brothers and sisters in the faith, whom I had never even met before—a beautiful thing. …Little did I know once I stepped foot on these grounds, I would realize the calling God put on my heart back in February 2012 (just a few months ago)…I got here and said, “Wow, this is it! …this is where it will all begin.”  I’ll be honest, I don’t think I was overly excited about it; rather I was scared.  Me giving over my life to God didn’t really kick in until I realized it was time to do His work.  Immediately upon that moment of realization my hands began to sweat, my heart palpitate, and an overall feeling of uneasiness engulfed me.  …I turned to my brother one evening and said, “Dude…I realized this isn’t a vacation anymore. It’s like God said, ‘It’s time’…It’s scary though. It’s like this big moment you’re life has been prepared for that you never saw coming.”  …So here I am, living humbly, delved into my school work and academics daily, continuing to fellowship and build onto my family in Christ, heavily breaking down the Bible, witnessing (though I’m working on doing that more)—and preparing for what is next.  …All I’m saying to God is, I’m going to be ready…I’m getting ready for you…God I’m ready.

Prayer: I want to say thank you to God, for continuing to sanctify me...For continually pulling back layers of my being, layers of my character, and soul; making me raw, so that I can more easily uptake the penetration of His wisdom and guidance. ...God, I just want to say thank you for allowing me to endure what is needed for the next step and making me whole through You...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

7. For My Ladies


"Our society is harming themselves by the practice of that lifestyle.  …and many of those same individuals call those who worship Jesus Christ the crazy ones?!!  Really?…You sure?!" -Blog 6
  
     As many now know, one of the things my old lifestyle was consumed with was “urban modeling".  When I'd pose in a manner that only my future husband should have seen, not a view which should be caught on camera for the whole world to observe; so I understand how women fall into this. But I find myself now coming across girls who've been doing this for years. …My thoughts are, "Ladies what are You thinking, or is the problem that you aren't at all???  When will you grow up?" I may be stepping on toes right now, but seriously someone has to Speak up.  I’ll be honest, I log into my Facebook and every day I see women posing in thongs, all oiled up, in heavy makeup like a prostitute, puckering lips, their genitals faced towards the camera almost exposing everything of which makes them A WOMAN.

I shake my head, I don’t understand how these females can keep acting this way. …Like, when is it going to get OLD ladies, when is it going to click for you??  Don’t you realize how pathetic you look, even to the men "commenting" on your pictures???  Why are you giving it away?! And the misconception is when we say don't give it away for free, you go and try to sell it! No sweetheart, you're taking it out of context.  Listen, we think women are “second class” citizens in many middle-eastern countries, but we are hoeing our own! So…who’s REALLY the second class? Sex trafficking is also an issue in those countries but pathetically, many of the women in America are trafficking themselves. Just attempt to wrap your mind around that!

 Sadly, many of these ladies are just going along with it, like “I’ll show my backside to the world, oh well. I’ll let a rapper and his posse run through me, oh well. I’ll allow this pro-athlete to impregnate me and kill my dreams, oh well. I’ll get an STD from a celeb and it will ruin my life, oh well. I’ll show my breasts for all men to see just so I can get some compliments, oh well. I’ll be the object men fantasize about when they touch themselves, oh well. I’ll waste my life acting like I’m Miss Independent even though I’M the PRODUCT being sold, oh well… 
     I just need attention so I’ll display my naked body just to receive some acknowledgment, oh well. My parents left me so I’ll just take off my clothes for money as an excuse instead of being a strong woman about it, oh well. I’ll sell my soul and values for this fame, like Drake says, “Maybe for the money and the power and the fame right now She will, she will, she will”.  Yeah, because he already knows his little groupies will!! …But oh well right?!” ARE YOU SERIOUS???!

This is many times frustrating and that is when I have to ask God to give me the strength and patience to be here for these women—because I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care. We OBVIOUSLY can’t depend on the “typical” man in this society because he’s PROMOTING it.

 Ladies I just want this message to resonate with you...I hope sooner than later you realize how beautiful and worthy you are. You haven't dated the faithful, honest, respectful, men of God yet because you have to change your ways first. I hope you come to see that is possible through the grace of God...only God can change you, but first you have to realize the current wrong doings in your life. I used to be where you are, I used to do those things I just spoke of. But now I know many men who meet that criteria of being a good husband whenever God calls My next blog is about those differences in men I had no idea even existed, but trust me sisters, they do and you will see. The good men aren't attracted to that slutty persona, so you're going to have to change your life up. Be a better woman for you, for God, your children, your parents, your siblings...our future. Only you can make that choice. I love you all....peace.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

6. Receiving


“It almost killed me, but I survived that life. Now I live with a euphoric feeling almost daily.  I crave to Praise God. I feel absolutely, unconditionally in love with Jesus Christ!  By Him, anything is possible.” –Blog 5

    From listening extensively to music affirming "Benz’s being bought, sleeping with multiple women daily (as if STD's don't exist), hearing about bricks being sold, to rolling being cool, drinking until faded", and lacking the values as “artists” and failing to positively impression our future generations, I was molded by society to think this was the way of life. But truly, what does our “society” know about anything in regard to values and living a selfless life? Where lives are so encompassed by the secular things of this world, where materials are the highest things sought after, and where power is strived for…I switched.

When I thought finding the Lord couldn’t get any better…I was introduced to Christian hip hop!  I think this was the final step in selling me out.  I became a sold-out follower of Christ when I began to engulf my senses into this music.  Hip hop had always been a huge factor of my life. For me, this music not only motivated me, but it had shaped me. I guess that’s how I fell into the rut and lifestyle I did. Because the mainstream hip hop promotes females to act like hoes and strippers while it inspires the boys to act like thugs and pimps. Smh, truly sad.  Sad how we can get bought into that.

But I realized…I can still listen to hip hop (genre of music that for so long influenced my life). I could bump the 15’s in my car, bob my head to a heavy beat, hit a little Dougie when I felt like dancing, do a fist bang because the beat is so hard, and catch a little flow here and there! With my sensitive ears I took it in, critiquing every lyric and beat I heard.  These artists weren’t only quoting scripture but relaying it into their lives and the lives of others. They were demeaning the lyrics of the mainstream rappers for their lack of values, ethics, and education and put salt on their stupidity. This music was motivating to me. It was saturated with the word of the Lord. With words by the Gospel it flowed, and was even an inspiration to stay on my new path. Here these young men were, similar to mainstream rappers by view, while on a whole other level of life. These young men had come from the streets, they used to be those other guys, lost in this world; but by the grace of God their eyes were opened into the reality of our existence.

During workouts I cranked this music heavily, with the beat and word of God I was even more driven in the gym; my workouts intensified even more. While bobbing my head to its rhythms and learning lyrics, I was simultaneously bringing glory to God. I’ve witnessed men listening to Meek Mill and Gucci come to me and say, “Anna, I understand now your change in music. It’s not so much these men are “bad” but their lyrics don’t really tell a story. It’s almost as if these artists are for the people who are naive and don’t question this world—they are followers. And here we are listening and following people not even worth following. Truly, what do these men have that I don’t? Cars, jewelry, women, name brand clothing?? I could have that too…but in actuality, I don’t even want it. I don’t want to live in poverty, but I do want to live humbly because none of this I can bring with me; and if it is furthering me from making it to heaven, then this world can HAVE IT!”

Each of these testimonies I hear is beautiful, the smile it brings to me is priceless and the glory it brings to our Creator I can only assume how pleased, though immeasurable in our eyes. As I would sit and ponder these times, I began to think of the jewelry—jewelry does start from something pure—our earth…just as our clothes. The Gucci loafers, the diamond studded symbols hanging from their neck, the weed they smoked, the alcohol they drank, the women they slept with—all indirectly from the earth!! How could it be bad? How and why?? Because we pervert it! We self-inflict it as pain on ourselves. Everything our creator put here for us, we can use to harm ourselves. We began to taint what he made and then idolize it and that’s where it does us in. Why would we follow satan when God commanded satan to bow DOWN to us?! Our society is harming themselves by the practice of that lifestyle.  …and many of those same individuals call those who worship Jesus Christ the crazy ones?!!  Really?…You sure?!

Since I’m declaring this music as nothing short of wonderful, here are some of my favorites! Enjoy this!!

“Trap Money” –Flame http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KooFih7F5mw  

Trap Money” Lyrics http://www.lyricsreg.com/lyrics/flame/TRAP+MONEY+ft.Thisl+andYoung+Noah/ 

"Better Way" -Bizzle http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NITL058EQec

"Eni Meni" --Young Noah http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hgDYC7Vndk

"Just Like You" -Lecrae http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiDOyQCCpKs&feature=related

“Get It” -Pro http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVMHjIAXN1M 

"Favor" -The Ambassador  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFqq4WhwflQ 

"Falling" -Trip Lee http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSWPrazmy8o&feature=related 

“God Over Money” –Bizzle http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Izos_ndA6JM  

"Souled Out" -Lecrae  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIM3nkBIUtE

“Dum Dum” –Tedashii http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWwPlldEiUY&feature=relmfu 

"Riot" -Tedashii http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaM5ArqJMIk 

“Q2GO” –Shonlock http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGHBfyURRRE

“Show Out” –Flame http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnJMXm9gins 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

5. Reshaped

"...I realized, I would never be the same again. …I was Re-born!" -Blog 4

     Surfacing to my conscious, the recognition of how necessary those moments were after such a lifestyle change (my body, mind, spirit, and soul just needing to detox) hit me hard.  That, all the tears which gushed out, were the final toxins pouring out and eliminating the toxins within me was preparing me for Christ. I understand now, how crucial this stage was; it was past that something more I needed, past the rising, past the struggles…I was being Reborn.  The toxins had to be eliminated before the final transformation. Because my life was changed, my job and my friends were changed, my boyfriends and men I even saw as eligible (for me) changed, that premarital intimacy changed…but my mind then, my mind was still impure. My mind was hurting from my past, it was still confused of its future, it was still sad, and it still got anxious, my heart was still cold, I still didn’t like conversing with people, I still couldn’t sleep, and my temptation was still suicide.  I was not ready then.  But those tears, those detoxing tears cleared it all. When I asked God to be my savior and come into me, my body had to release them. Can’t have God and those toxins serving in one body!! Thus, they were released; released through pain, sorrow, anger, and desperation.

He was the answer! This was for the first time since my younger youth years, I felt full of life!! I wanted to tackle this life! I was full of energy, full of vigor and happiness!  Readers can note a couple months ago I posted to my Facebook, “You ever notice when you have the word in you, you tend to use 10 exclamation marks after everything?!!”  lol  It's true. It's difficult to leave this kind of happiness and fulfillment in. But that's exactly how the Lord fulfills us!  His love runs so deep, the happiness so great, you can’t help but smile and love your days.  

Even during times of hardship, I now have clarity.  When we live right by God, this clarity enables us to put the puzzles piece of life together.  Even in times of hardships, it’s easy to make sense of its timing and its purpose in our life. This change was undeniable.  All I craved was to praise the thing that saved me.  How could I want to do anything else? How could I want to live any other way?!!  

Wow, I thought I had so much before.  I thought my old lifestyle held all the secrets of life and would eventually make me happy.  I thought, “If I can just get perfect grades. If I can make just a little more money!  If I can just have this car!! Maybe I'll be happy if "so and so" is my boyfriend. And I thought If my body can just look this way—then everything will be solved!!” 

People knew me back then, to not really crave the material things; but with all the outside influences convincing me in, I started to believe it must work!  Now I am not denying good grades, as academics are important; but they are certainly shy of the value I once gave them.  The other materials and ideas I had previously strived for were a sellout. Like reap this now, suffer later.  But the suffering was worse…when I say worse, I’m talking in exponential terms.  It was difficult to get my life back…or shall I say, it was difficult to give my life back to Him, especially when I had no idea of his existence or doctrine.   The Bible says that God turned us to see that everything we view as "smart" in this world, is actually foolish; so that we rely on Him and his purpose.   In 1 Corinthians 1:18-23, 26-29~

The Wisdom of God
  
The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God. As the Scriptures say,
   “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise
      and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.”

 So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish.  Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe.  It is foolish to the Jews, who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom.  

 So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it’s all nonsense.

 Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.”   
A Powerful truth!

Everything began to make sense.  For the first time, I looked back on my past without a sneer. Wow, it was a blessing! How could I have been so blind of its blessing?! It is bringing me here to speak about this. It was nothing short of a sacrifice--but I have been shown to use my mistakes to help others. 

 I guess when our life is full of the materialism from the secular world, we are blind.  The materials seem to cloud our view. Once I had thrown it all out, my life, me still breathing was a miracle in itself. And I am still here! I am here speaking, sharing my story.  I feel wonderful about that. It almost killed me, but I survived that life. Now I live with a euphoric feeling almost daily.  I crave to Praise God. I feel absolutely, unconditionally in love with Jesus Christ!  By Him, anything is possible.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

4. Reborn

"So, with no new mindset or ways of living, I just talked to God. Six months passed…and I would have Never fathomed the change, that was about to take place." -Blog 3

     Sweat saturating my head and neck. I could feel that my t-shirt was soaked and my neck, sticky. My black eyelashes crossed my sight. Sweeping across as they always did—attempting to protect  my  worldview. Their supporting dermis felt heavy.  They began to slowly lift bit by bit as if they were the only thing pulling my eyelids up…I realized I was trying to wake up. Feeling almost paralyzed and lethargic, tired an understatement—I felt exhausted.  My eyes wanted to remain sealed, thus I continued to lay there in my sheets as the feelings soothed me; they engulfed me actually.  Like a baby’s placenta, it hugged my every curve.  How could the laying of the body feel this good?  Mmmm,  I just wanted to sleep.  In my little cover cave, nestled, warm and content, lost, but present, happy, and comforted.  I was at peace and the slumber once again, took me captive.

Awaking once more, my eyes opened slightly.  Finally finding focus—I saw… “In His Image, Devotional Bible”.   My eyes had focused directly on this book…Ah yes, my Bible!  I had never owned one before this point.  It was sent to me from a dear friend.  Quite new, its shape and silver lined pages were still crisp. Its leather exterior had my name engraved in it, Anna DeNinno. It was perfect and it was mine.  It was so personal, like God himself had delivered it.  ...Well, that’s how I see it now!!  Then, I wasn’t skeptical per se’, but Bible reading could not have been found anywhere in my last 23 years of life!  But well known as it is, I was desperate, hence I had begun reading the day it had been received--one month prior to that day.

…Finally finding energy to rise from my slumber, I could see it was a beautiful morning!  The sky was a light ocean blue, the sun was gleaming, and I…I felt purposeful!  This day was stunning and it was different. It felt different. Or was it I who felt different?  I could not make a correct comparison, nonetheless; I went along with that feeling. My mind felt clear, I felt happy! 

Twelve ounces of water, four tablespoons of Starbucks French Roast, “click” pushing the “on” button. Mmmm, my morning regime began to brew. I stood there, arms stretched, looking at the beautiful weather just a glass shading away!  “Wow!!! Thank you God!!!”, was my thought! I was smiling and encompassed, with vigor of not being able to wait to tackle the day.  At that moment, verses which had been told to me were remembered, I began to hear, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” –Proverbs 4:23, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” -1 Peter 5:8  “I'll say it again--it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!" –Matthew 19:24 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." -Galations 2:20 At that moment I began to feel this deepening love surround me.

An unconditional love, the type of love I only experienced when I was in complete love with a man here in the secular world.  I began to feel endorphins!! Endorphins that gave me goose bumps and that brought me to tears of happiness!!! I was in complete love. I gave my heart to him.  I realized he would always be there for me, even when others slipped up.  He would hold and nurture me, forgive me and advise me. He would show me the way.  He is my creator and it was he who held the blueprints to my life and this world!! I turned to him and gave him my heart.  I became his beloved and him mine. He became my life and I began to see the only purpose of this life was to glorify him.  I was lost in this love, this moment, his energy and spirit, his words and wisdom, his love united us and I bowed at his feet…I could hear the coffee finish brewing, but bowed I stayed. As I knelt a little longer and allowed my tears of happiness and repentance to drip onto the floor of his imaginary feet, the devalued modeling, the cash getting, showing my body to the world, the dating of men with no values, the friends who commended me doing the wrong things, the cursing, the premarital sex, the depression, the antidepressants, the years of suicide, the Hating of my life, the miserable mornings, the nights of crying myself to sleep, the years of non-believing, the excruciating times of crying that pained me enough down to the floor, all the instances I almost ended me, Finally RELEASED! 
...I realized, I would never be the same again. …I was Re-born!